In defence of Humbuggery

"Christmas a humbug, uncle!" said Scrooge's nephew.  "You don't mean that, I am sure." "I do," said Scrooge.  "Merry Christmas!  What right have you to be merry?  What reason have you to be merry?  You're poor enough." "Come, then," returned the nephew gaily.  "What right have you to be dismal?  What reason have you to be morose?  You're rich enough." Scrooge having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said "Bah!" again; and followed it up with "Humbug."

It's that time of year again where the halls are decked (?!) and everyone is unfathomably merry for reasons best described as "seasonal". Yes, the holiday season has arrived and everyone is expected to be jolly. Well I'm here to stick up for the many "Humbuggers" out there (NB: definitely need a better name then "Humbuggers") those who decline to see the jolly side of the festive season and see the mulled wine glass half empty (why does wine taste better when it's boiled up to beyond frothing point?)

Now, before you start throwing rocks at my head and cursing me into oblivion, take a moment to consider these words what I am writing here. My words come from a place of logic, experience and complete and utter frustration with the human race. Anyone who has ever worked over the Christmas period in retail before, will know the utter depths of insanity that it drives you to and the depths of insanity that other human beings indulge in on this auspicious of periods in the calendar. You see Christmas in retail begins at some point after summer (such as it is in this country) has ended, and the sound of Christmas songs played on a loop usually hit around October time, and as much as I love hearing the silky smooth tones of Frank Sinatra, I can't listen to him singing about chestnuts, roasting or otherwise, on a loop, especially with the swirling of shoppers, calmly losing their heads as they panic as  to what to buy their loved ones, lest they disown them at this festive time.

This year I stupidly braved Oxford Street and my local supermarket for a quick trapse around the shops and nearly had a panic attack with flashbacks to days gone by working in retail, which revealed what I can only really describe as 'Sodom and Gomorra'. People rushing around despite not being able to move properly, children screaming at their parents "I want this" "I need that" "I must have this" and the parents duly obliging; whilst frustrated shop assistants bedecked in 'festive' tinsel run around like headless chickens to please the aforementioned arses, standing in a queue for 25 minutes, being rammed by a woman with a trolley whilst a small man tries to cut in front of me in non so subtle ways. You don't WANT this, you don't NEED that, this is how the summer riots happened!! People selfishly wanting (and taking) stuff they didn't need and inflicting violence on buildings that stood in their way. (The children I saw hadn't started rioting, it should be noted, but give it a few years....) I'm no expert but this is not what the spirit of Christmas is all about, be grateful you have a home and a family. *sanctimonious harumph  

As for a White Christmas, well you can stick that as well, every year millions of people wish for a "white christmas" only to be disappointed when it doesn't come and apparently "ruins christmas"; but on the odd occasion that it does come (literally can't remember when it has ever snowed at Christmas) oh the chaos! Of course I concur that a snowy London is indeed very pretty to look at, and as a 'visual artist' I appreciate the aesthetic muchly, I shot some lovely pictures a few years ago when it snowed (in February). Surely people know that the whole London transport system or indeed the whole city can be brought to a shuddering standstill of confusion and panic when an errant leaf languishes itself casually upon a train track, the horrifying truth is that London is simply not designed to cope with anything larger then someone sneezing. In addition to that my mild Asthma, which makes itself known to all and sundry without fail every December time at the slightest whiff of chilliness, really can't cope with any snow. I'll will be resigned to the house to look at the snow from behind a window, lest I be out in the cold for too long and cough up my insides al over your festive selves.

Merry Everything, Humbugs to all, this yuletide day!